Picking out Sports Direct like it's Louis Vuitton

A year or so before my obsession with running came along, a friend asked whether I would like to do the 5K race for life, I instantly said yes. I worked out that it's roughly 3 miles and I genuinely thought it would be a piece of cake (I mean it takes no time to do that in a car). Unfortunately (or fortunately for me), we were too late to register. Thinking about it now makes me realise that like me there must be a lot of people that think they can easily run a 5K, despite never having done one. I'm three weeks away from a half marathon and I still find the 5K challenging. The better you get at endurance (or ignorance of pain) the easier it is to concentrate on other aspects, like your breathing, arm movement, foot fall, posture etc. The more of these key aspects you improve the more that you push yourself on the shorter runs, thus they never seem to get any easier.

So the Leeds 10K...

In preparation for the day, my big busted bezza (bbb) prepared an amazing carb packed meal full of chorizo, spicy sausage, tomatoes, pasta etc. No alcohol (which is unheard of on a Saturday night in Leeds!) and most importantly an early night (however, it’s not unusual to for a Leodensian to be found in a foreign bed, on a Saturday night ;.)). I woke up to the pounding of the rain on the window, and the anxious feeling of 'can I actually do this'. I had already entered two 10K races and several 5K park runs  and so felt physically prepared for the run, but running is only 60% reliant on your actual physical strengths, the other 40% (and possibly the most important) is your mental strength.

When I first started to run my thoughts were always something along the lines of; when is this going to end, just until the next lamp post, I need to stop now, I need to make it home, my back hurts, I can’t breathe. You have to challenge an alter ego that hates this physical exertion. After a few months, I remember reaching the front gate and realising I hadn't once thought about stopping (only how much it hurt and how hungry I was).

I ran the Leeds 10K with The Geordie. I like to think that I was the one that encouraged this particular Geordie to put on his trainers and become a runner (he may say otherwise). Prior to this race we went on a few sessions when I visited, to get used to each others style. First impressions were that he had the pace and was very much capable of running up hills with little obvious struggle (the b***d) but he didn't necessarily have the same passion for the challenge as I did (and found it impossible to not get a  blister of some sort with his cheepo trainers). This was made more obvious by the copious amounts of booze consumed the night previous to the 10K!

bbb drove us down to the start line (where it was still pounding with rain). We joined a crowd of people stood on Millennium Square already completely drenched, but surprisingly looking positive (only in Yorkshire). The local radio DJ's and a PI provided a warm up, which was massively entertaining and managed to distract us from the challenge ahead (that and watching the Geordie's lack of co-ordination as we jumped up and down to black eyed peas ‘I Gotta Feeling’). Luckily, the rain petered out just before the start, but the already wet t-shirts were a sign of future major chafing for those vas virgins. The Geordies nipples were bleeding through his brand new white t-shirt within half an hour :.) 

We started the race a little fast (it’s the adrenaline, training just goes out the window), however, it was amazing to run through the streets of a city like Leeds. Taking part in such large races gives you a sense of community spirit, at one point we ran under a tunnel (which echoed everyone’s deep breathing and heavy footsteps) when someone shouted 'ogy ogy ogy' and everyone replied with the usual 'oi oi oi'. I love/miss Leeds. There were even people standing in their gardens banging pots and pans to cheer us on (despite this being pretty annoying it was the perfect distraction).

I found this particular 10K arduous towards the end, no matter how much you train for an event, how you feel on the day and how your body is behaving is unpredictable and varies between races. Physically the worst part of a race, for me, is the end, if I can see/or know the end is near my limbs start to give up and I get a wierd stomach ache and everything seems to go in slow motion.  All this happened, along with the Geordie stating the obvious in my ear; we’re nearly there, just a little longer, come on not long now!...(this was repaid on the 26 mile walk in the Yorkshire Dales :.))

P.S The Geordie has now bought the whole of Sports Direct to the point where he is giving away his free mugs and more disturbingly he points out people wearing Sports Direct gear like it's Louis Vuitton.

What's wrong have you never seen a running Quasimodo before?

The second 10K (June 5^th) was in practice for the third (June 19^th) (so not to show myself up in front of the then vegetating Geordie). I was given a flyer, in a goody bag (which sadly didn't have a t-shirt in, but contained a life saving banana), at the end of my first 10K. After a brief read I decided the race was far too close for me to psyche myself back up and so wrote it off completely. It wasn’t until 2 days before the run that I decided to man up, eat loads of carbs and just do it (I mean why not?? it was for charity).

The run was located in the next village at a stately manor (very posh, lots of sheep and a conservatory cafe). Unfortunately, what I didn’t realise was that you cannot get directly to it by bus. I hadn't really thought it through and to be fair I wasn't entirely awake. I ended up walking for 40 minutes on a road with no path that seemed to lead aimlessly into the back and beyond, before reaching the main entrance. I was ready for a power nap before I had even begun.

The event aimed to raise money for the Air Ambulance Rescue Service (I can't say this is a charity is particularly close to my heart but at least if I ever require this service, I did my bit for the air fare. Also, I’ve signed up for the Jane Tomlinson 1 day 26 mile walk in the Yorkshire Dales on August the 14^th, so the air fare contribution may just come in handy).

The one speculation was to wear yellow (like the rescue helicopter), however, the only yellow item of clothing that I managed to dig out was a shrunken Primark T-shirt (that I occassionally wear for bed). Despite the fact that it may be quite liberating to run with my belly hanging out I don't think it would have been appropriate at that particular family event. You will be pleased to know that when I arrived they were selling yellow t-shirts for a fiver and so my belly stayed inside my t-shirt (which I made sure to wear to the next 10K, remember it is all about scaring the competition, even if the competition was Andy Sugden from Emmerdale!).

The race day itself was really well put together, however, the actual race started far too late. The organisers had obviously never ran a race before (not because they were rotund) or they wouldn't have started it at peak sun/heat. The mayor and mayoress of the village turned up (in their bling) to say their thing, by the time the mayoress got hold of the microphone everyone was getting restless, to the point where a man in the crowd comically shouted 'get on with it' looking a little embarrassed she cut the babble and honked the horn and we were off.

I always set off at a steady pace, letting the pro's, eager beavers and fast burn outs get a head. My mental wall is fairly early on. For the most part, as long as I can get through the first 3K I seem to go into auto pilot until the second round of omg I still have that far to go! Then the porridge kicks in and I’m back in the zone until the final slog (I hate this bit). I soon found myself stuck next to a bloke that was too hard to shake off. I clocked him as my pace setter within 10 minutes. 20 minutes later the awkwardness of not being able to outpace one another resulted in polite encouraging conversation 'I like your pace, we can do this!' He then proceeded to repeatedly ask me if I was ok, if I would like him to carry my water and whether I was ok to get home on my own.... obviously, he has never seen a running quasimodo before.

It was at this point I realised that wearing head phones really doesn’t help me a. Network (to be more precise find young hot athletic men) or (and probably more important) b. Hear myself breathe. The next stage of my training was running without music as well as improving my time for the next 10K, whilst training for the half marathon (argh!) and the 26 mile walk (er crap).

A touch of sun stroke can make you do silly things!

So the first thing I did to prepare for my first 10K is suss out the competition i.e. what's the average time that a woman can run a 10K. It's near enough impossible to find a definite answer to this question on the internet. These questions are answered by no-it-all pro's that start with the sentence 'it doesn't matter what time you finish it in, it’s the taking part that matters', this is extremely frustrating. First of all it does matter what time you do it in because at some point they are going to re-open the main road whether I'm still running or not.

So after an extensive search, which included buying several (yes several) books on running I came to the conclusion it was ok, as a beginner, to finish a 10K between 50-70 minutes (stop working it out/judging).

Now all I had to do is run for another 30minutes (easy no?...no). My mum never told me I was one of those people that could run before I could walk and this spans true for most of my life, but the first time I thought, right I'm just going to do it.... I ran 14K. Then I didn't run again for nearly a month/walk for two days.

Thankfully my body has reached a point where after a hard slog, every muscle movement from climbing the stairs to lowering to sit on the loo is no longer a painful exercise. That is until I change my usual routine or my spinning/aerobics instructor decides she has more energy for a hard sesh this week.

So my first 10K was in a local village. It is was advertised as a fun day out for the whole family (including a BBQ, tennis, some army people, a bouncing castle, kids fun run, adult 5K etc). I (naively) was led to believe that it would be a nice jog around a nice village with some nice country bumkins (er wrong). I turned up on the day fairly early, not knowing what to expect, I mentally noted the start/ finish line and went to register my arrival. I was ready, my body was ready, my ipod was set to Lady Gaga and Britney Spears, and I was all psyched to go until...

 A man in the queue wanted to make small talk while we waited.... Him- Have you done this before? Me-no, Him- have you done a 10K race before? Me-no, Him- well I've done loads Me- really, that’s nice (Me thinking- show off.....you have only done loads because you are 20 years older than I am) Him- this is the hardest one I've done. Me- nervous laughter (cheers mate exactly what I wanted to hear). According to my book this is a technique used to scare your competitors (this and wearing a t-shirt that says I did 50K last week and it was easy- it's definitely all about the t-shirt). When everyone had arrived, I got up to inspect the competition and realised I looked like the most amateur runner there, no word of a lie everyone was affiliated with a running club or looked like a pro. Too late now....I pushed in my head phones turned up the Britney Spears and just went with the flow.

This off the path course consisted of three whopping up hills that felt like you were running on the spot for 5 minutes, a little bit of flat (where your legs feel like they have permanently adjusted to the uphill running position)  followed by three whooping down hills and a little bit of trail running (tree trunks etc). Now this sounds ok if you did it once, but no it was three circuits of it. All at the hottest time of the day and the hottest day of the year so far.

Despite doubting my ability at the beginning I never thought 'why am I doing this?'  The sense of achievement when you cross the finish line is like no other. Position 120 out of 123 in 62 minutes (better luck next time).

P.S I finished this day having signed up for a half marathon (with a bloody geordie!) it's amazing what a little sun stroke can do to you.

Self Motivation and Vanilla Slices

One of the things that I love most about this new active lifestyle, is that I get to watch the 'fat programs' on TV (especially after Xmas and Easter when everyone is feeling a little plump) whilst eating (or scoffing) a vanilla slice without feeling the slightest bit of guilt (for some reason when I watch these programs I have an over whelming urge to eat something the 'fatties' are told not to). I'm ashamed to say that I actually feel a little smug. So I'm supposedly obese and really I shouldn't be smug or scoffing that vanilla slice, but the fact is I got my own arse off my ever so comfortable (rented) sofa and through my own self motivation, donned my trainers and ran down the street again and again and again. There was nobody there to say 'you need to do this' and for the first 3 months there wasn't even the incentive of weight loss (It's impossible to lose weight by running to the end of your street and back FACT). So if I find a little self satisfaction in other peoples misfortunes I will embrace it.

Equipment addition. I saw an advert on the TV where several women with pert, tanned and exfoliated derrieres (hanging out of the bottom of there ever so tiny shorts) were bouncing around in a pair of Reebock trainers (you know the ones) that claimed to tone you up while you walk (Reebock easy tone a whopping £75). Walk being the operative word, was what I clearly missed whilst daydreaming about strutting down the high street with a butt like theirs. The influential power that this ad had on me was amazing, I made a bee-line to the nearest sports shop and bought a pair of these miracle trainers and you guessed it I went for a run. After a few sessions of pins and needles I researched the reviews (a thing I really should have done prior to spending such a vast amount of money) and indeed quite a lot of people (probably blonde) were taken in by those derrieres and mistook that bouncing around for all purpose trainers. Now my £75 pair of trainers (still sparkling and white) are used once a week at an indoor aerobics class (great investment number 2).

So one pair of running (sorry walking and bouncing) trainers down I thought I would go and invest (more wisely) in a suitable set. I went to the local independent running store (wearing a pair of plimsolls and therefore no socks, obviously feeling very prepared) and perused the shelves carefully, trying on each pair until I got the perfect fit for my gait and left the shop with a large smile and a feeling of accomplishment. I'm lying. I went straight to the trainers with the shinny three pink stripes tried a size too small and insisted that I didn't have to try on the next size or the other shoe (I was in a rush to watch the last episode of USA’s Biggest loser, where they take their final weigh in- the best part for a fatty TV addict). I wanted them instantly (sound familiar) but left the shop a little confused as to why I had put myself in a situation where I could've made the same mistake twice. Despite having 2 weeks of blisters and applying lots of vaseline I grew to love my impulse purchase.

My next investment was not on a piece of equipment but it was to book a place at my first 10K race and subsequently (feeling very optomistic at this point) my second straight after :.0

Cake always wins the race!

For me running is about stress relief. If I miss a run or a fitness class I get stressed on top of the stress that I wanted to rid in the first place. According to my trusty magazine, stress can lead to a reduction in the amount of weight loss or even result in weight gain! Imagine that you busted your balls (theoretically) every day for a month but because you were stressed over work etc you had a zero pound weight loss or even worse you gained (ooh la la!). It’s a catch 22 occasion, you run to de-stress and lose weight but because you run because your stressed you never lose weight (argh remind me why I do this again!). So the solution is to have a quick fix to stress relief yes? hmmmm food? ....

So, I started running with a gay friend of mine. I state that he is gay not because I want to show off that I have a gay friend, but because I would like to recommend them or actually him in particular. I never feel like he is judging me. I am a very sweaty runner (hence the chafing) and also I tend to run with my head hunched like Quasimodo (not a good technique I know!) so I'm not giving off an attractive vibe and he jogs on oblivious (at least I think he does). Despite having a better personal best (PB) without a running partner, I do find that having someone there to keep the pace or have words of encouragement can considerably improve your performance. Plus, the first 20 mins of our run is gossip filled and if I don't keep up I don't get the gossip.

After a few weeks of running he suggested we start going on an organised 5K park run, at 9am every Saturday in the city. So you’re thinking why??? Why would you get up at stupid o'clock to go for a run in the park? (which I have to add involves getting on a bus at 7.30am). I've got to say, I tend to think this when I wake up on a Saturday morning and I'm pouring hot water for my tea on my cereal (porridge for slow release energy). Addictions make you do silly things!

The first time we did the park run we arrived a few minutes late, which meant we had to peg it to the start line (by which point I was already pulling the Quasimodo pose). Annoyingly, they'd already set off but we just carried on running for the next 5K feeling a little disorientated and lacking a good warm up (excuses). However, I was happy with my first performance despite my porridge sitting comfortably at the top of my oesophagus. More importantly we were back home for 10.30am just in time for Saturday Kitchen.

The second session I did alone. It was this cities park run year anniversary, and so the regulars were wearing fancy dress; Scooby doo, giant presents, sparkly or highly fluorescent gear, super heroes and many more. This created a really nice atmosphere amongst the runners as though we were all part of some long running joke (no pun intended). Everything was fine until I was around 4K in and a bloody giant cake over took me! After the initial shock, I tried (very hard) to overtake but he was on it (like a car bonnet). The thing is it felt like a message from the running God…cake will always take over!

The shopping spree of an amature runner

So I caught the running bug. Despite being a complete novice I was determined to not look like a beginner, this obviously can only be achieved by buying all the new gear. First purchase; a women’s running magazine, this was my running bible in the initial stages (I quote this magazine to the skinnies when I attempt to know what I am talking about). There is always a section for the newbies -which I have to say becomes a little annoying after you've bought your 5/6th edition at such a high price- I have to admit though I was taken in by the beautifully toned runners in their capris and sports bras (weirdly the models in fashion mags have little if no affect on whether I purchase a product or not) - I remember thinking this could be me (in 10 years).

I searched for the cheapest sports website (sports.direct) and bought my first pair of trainers (pink Reeboks), black capris and some Nike shorts and waited patiently for their arrival. I remember the very day (sigh). I pulled them out of the bag and instantly assumed they had sent a size for a small child. Nope, I had to fit my large derriere into these skin tight leggings that were supposedly a large (it was not a pleasant sight). Despite the bulging fat deposits and the clear orange peel affect I donned my capris' and brand spanking new trainers and set off on an epic journey (of 1.9 miles). Perfect! Apart from being a little conscious that my butt was on show to the high street! Next purchase long vest top that covers said body part.

After a month or so I started to feel the reduction (or maybe toning) of my thighs. One sunny Saturday morning I donned my Nike shorts and my now long vest top and set off on my way (still 1.9 miles). A pro runner knows what I am about to describe. Being a larger lady my thighs sort of touch in the middle (gross I know) so a constant rubbing of the material and my thighs omg! it felt like carpet burn, not only that under my arms as well (major chafing).  Next purchase Vaseline!. I have to say I haven't worn the shorts for a while with fear of a re-occurrence (even if my thighs no longer touch in the middle as much).

Me knowing me, I had to try and keep my running experience variable. I had to create a competition with myself to run faster and for longer than the previous session. Next purchase Nike sports band (rocking up an increasing bill at this point). It was amazing I was running for around 20 mins in no time, this was a massive achievement; I could only run for 15 mins at my thinnest (10st.2lbs). However, this was short lived my sports band dyed on me after 2 months (common apparently), after a re-occurrence after sending it back I gave up  (imagine the disappointment). This caused a detrimental effect on my running; I was annoyed with the thought of running because it reminded me of my bad purchase that I loved so much.

But after a week or so of sulking and the guilty feeling returning (I could still see the pro's running up and down my street) and the skinnies asking if I was going for a run tonight I set off on my merry way. So if you thought that running was a cheap sport, think again.

The beginnings of an amateur runner

Writing a blog was strongly suggested to me, because I have acquired an addiction, that a growing percentage of the world share. This addiction can take over your every thoughts (I'm a little eccentric at times). As a result my friends have to listen to me talk about it constantly. The thing is I'm very much aware that it bores the hell out of everyone that doesn't share this addiction, i.e. my house mates, but I am unable to restrain myself from sharing every single step of my growing obsession with them. So you can see that it is of up most importance that I share my obsession in a blog, before my friends refuse to engage in conversation with me without fearing I will go on and on about my much loved hobby of running, yes running.

I've always enjoyed the idea of running and pushing my body to its limits but unfortunately I have always been -and potentially still am- an elite runner in a large women’s body. To get a picture of me, I am a 20 something year old women, around 5"7 (and a bit) and weigh a whopping amount (on my scales) which according to popular opinion puts me in the obese category. Now I am not going to blame this on a thyroid problem or slow metabolism it is primarily because my second addiction (which I should've previously blogged about) is food.  However, I don’t want you to think of me as a 'fatty' because I am not. I simply look like an average girl in the street; I can safely say unless you're a super model or live in LA you would not give me a second glance in the street.

My running addiction started just over a year ago. I had recently stopped playing rugby (badly), due to time restrictions (hmmm). I desperately need to find another hobby that I could fit in with my busy schedule. I also needed something that would reduce my stress levels to a relatively normal level. My answer came from pure guilt. I had recently moved into a new lush shared house, in a lovely green (ish) area, this sort of area always attracts those healthy freaks that make you feel like you should be looking after yourself more and maybe stop eating like your still a student on limited pay.  Every day there was a constant stream of people running right under my front window, fortunately this wasn't that everyone on the street (a very long street) was a runner, as I later found out there is a running club around the corner. Had I known this prior to taking up running would I have felt less guilty (as they are pro's and not necessarily the 'norm') and never taken up this obsession.

So just over a year ago I set off with my skinny house mates down the street, wearing a pair of 3 year old tatty trainers, aiming to run further than the 'skinnies'. Luckily this wasn't much of a challenge ;.) But my second aim was to make it back up the street before I revisit the food I'd eaten only an hour prior  (major amateur mistake no.1). This single 10 minute run was a massive slap in the face! You are not an athlete and the progression to having an official status (if this can be given even now) of being a runner is going to be a long time off. I scanned copious amounts of websites to increase fitness (I still do this) as quickly as possible, this is where any normal person would have said, right I'm getting a gym membership thus, the simple truth is that running was/is not a quick fix solution to my 'fatty' problem.

Another insight into my personality (the skinnies will back me up on this) is that I am a very determined human being and as I mentioned earlier I am very much an elite athlete in a 'fatty' suite. So two days later (when I had forgotten how much of an embarrassment I was) I set off on the same route and no it felt no better and I was still very much hanging out of my arse!. This was the beginning of me becoming an amateur runner...